When God Created Wyoming

On the way home from work one evening I found myself on Harrison Drive following a big white Ford Superduty duallie with a coffin-sized diamond plate toolbox, Polaris window stickers, and those ubiquitous "BIG WONDERFUL WYOMING" mudflaps. I've always loved them, impressively broad and matte black, the mutinous bronc on the trademarked Wyoming rodeo logo bucking violently as they flare out behind the tires, as proud and functional an automotive accessory as ever there was. Parked behind the Ford at the stoplight at Main, I watched the exhaust from that cavernous tailpipe rising in the cold, curling hypnotically up and over the hood of my car, and ruminated on that phrase: Big, Wonderful Wyoming.

I've started several times to try to describe this place, this state I was born and grew up in, and left and returned to. There is no place like it, and there is no way to describe it, not really. Nothing I write for you could ever hope to invoke the way I feel about these 97,818 square miles (although that won't stop me from trying when I get a chance). But tonight I got an e-mail from Bekah (alas, as with most things included in e-mails, there's no way to credit the original author) that made me smile and think, not many people can say these things about their state. And this is my state. Enjoy.

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for
six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found Him, resting on
the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have You been?" God
sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made!" Archangel
Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet,"
replied God, and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth, and it's
going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing
to different parts of Earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a
place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is
going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. And
over there I've placed a continent of white people, while over here
is a continent of black people."

God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be
extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered
in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a
large land mass and said, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Wyoming, the most glorious place on earth.
There are beautiful lakes, rivers, sunrises, sunsets, rolling hills, high
mountains with snow covered peaks, open prairie, geysers, hot
springs, water falls, monumental rock formations, abundant wildlife,
excellent fly-fishing streams, pure white snow in the winter, white
fluffy clouds, blue skies year-round, and a place where a person can
see millions of stars in the sky at night." God continued, "The people
from Wyoming are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous
and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be
extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will
be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then exclaimed,
"What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!" God
replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I'm putting around
them in Idaho, Colorado, South Dakota, Utah, Nebraska, and
Montana."*

*Luckily, those idiots are generally good sports.