That's The Ticket

There is a shining literary moment in almost every film, even terrible films. There's a little bit of dialogue that makes the whole movie worth watching. Just for fun today, I'll tell you two of my favorites. (But not the top two; those we'll save for later. And for the record, these are not terrible films. Nor are they masterpieces.) One, in Shanghai Noon, when Owen Wilson's conning, klutzy cowboy calls Jackie Chan's poor displaced Chinese soldier a "decadent philistine," which was so funny I had to rewind it and make sure that's really what he said. (I remember absolutely nothing about the rest of the movie, except there was something significant about the length of Jackie's hair, and there was a shootout in a western church towards the end. Maybe I should watch it again, but any movie with Owen Wilson in it is a blur to me because I can't focus on anything but the bridge of his nose. It's fascinating.) And two, in Tombstone, when Val Kilmer slopes his smoldering rendition of consumptive 'Doc' Holladay up against the frame of a wooden sidewalk awning and drawls the tasty taunt "I'm your huckleberry" in the cutest, most sinister little lilt this side of the Mississippi. Be still, my beating heart! Both those writers deserve a gift certificate to Outback Steakhouse for giving me a chuckle (and a hot flash, but Val was partly responsible for that so the writer shouldn't get all the credit.) I've got lots more of these little gems filed away. Ask me sometime.