Thursday, November 06, 2008


I just... what? No. It's finally gotten to the point where I have to ask the shoe designers of the world, namely Steve Madden, whose heeled, spiked, and wedged works of seasonal art ordinarily cause me to salivate like one of Pavlov's dogs, one question: are you on crack? Shopping for shoes this season is a nightmare, but boots are especially horrific:

Timberland, WTH? (Censored for family.) Is this some kind of joke? Are people actually buying these for $165?

Somebody bled all the style right out of these $79 frumpy knit abominations by Rebels.

I have no words. 80%20 is a brand I'm not familiar with, and even though I found them on the Victoria's Secret website, I have a theory: this was some ambitious FIDM student's fall project, which she cranked out the night before it was due while drunk and then left too close to the radiator when she crawled away to sleep it off in her studio apartment in Pomona. She got an 'A' for taking such a bold risk but the coordinating sketches accidentally fell out of her teacher's bag outside a warehouse in downtown L.A. -- FIDM is, after all, on Grand Avenue -- and some poor sucker thought it was the new hot thing and rushed them to his manager, who unwittingly put them into production. I couldn't stand most of the Fashion Design majors in college (I was a Visual Communications major) and now I know why. YOUR CLOTHES, SPECIFICALLY SHOES, SUCK THIS FALL. Because of the carbon released when these boots were manufactured, their designer should spend the rest of his or her life hoeing on an organic turnip farm. I, um, don't like them. Buy them, for $186, if you want to pretend you've been standing in lava. (OK, so I had some words.)

These are not army issue. This is Skecher's idea of fashionable women's footwear. (They're on sale on the website for $15. I'm just sayin'.)

If I have to I'm going to start making my own.


Blogger a572mike said...

Those are all REVOLTING!

November 7, 2008 at 10:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree that all of those are abhorrent.

When you're in KC we'll have to visit the Nordstrom shoe dept., where real shoes and boots are available in stacks and stacks and stacks. And they let you try them on.

And if you become a cobbler, let me know. I have two pairs of boots that need new heel caps. ; )


November 7, 2008 at 6:15 PM  

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