Tuesday, January 17, 2006

S.A.D. Sets In

Apparently you can be just a phone call or a short drive away from people who love you and still feel utterly alone.

I am horribly crabby this month, this January of diluted sunlight and three-foot snowdrifts the impossible consistency of sifted flour. I've called to have my Prescription rerouted to WalMart (oh, horrors!) because I can't take any more of City Drug's vicious generic, Tri-Sprintec. It causes me to throw tantrums and race lowlives in imports and shirk my creative ambitions.

So, to appease my dark side, I made plans to visit a Wolff tanning bed and ordered a
long-coveted item of summer-themed jewelry I may be bored with in a year, but can always sell on ebay when the sun comes out again. In a further attempt to improve my mood, I made a list of things that make me happy, and you may feel free to skip it, because I'm pretty sure that your idea of being content nowhere near resembles mine. It starts here:

Sweet and sour. Battle Chess. Freudian slips. The Parts department. Turquoise lakes. Cotton thongs. Horseback rides. Chicken fried steak. Log siding. Contraries. Big & Rich. Free parking. Paperbacks. Steak and other "rare" protein. The Great Race. Yellow Plymouth SuperBirds. Ravel's Bolero. Fly Me to the Moon. Beaded chokers.
Commercial-free (unless it's the SuperBowl). Järvinen skis. Captain Morgan® Tattoo. Bass clefs. Futurama. Lip gloss. Road trips. Vegas. Sakura Pigma Micron Pens. Linen, silk and wool. Liquitex acrylic in Titanium White. Farr ice cream in Licorice. OPI lacquer in "Nice Color, Eh?" and "Don't Be Koi With Me." Sunday afternoon naps. Moonlight. Hammocks. Dirt roads. Philadelphia rolls. Freshwater pearls. 501 Jeans. WWII Airplane Spotter Cards. TLC. Inside jokes. Liquid eyeliner. Bivouacs. Flip-flops. Pools. Hot baths. Puddles. Baby grands. Monte. Macaroni and cheese. Olympus Stylus Verve. Alcoholic beverages with tiny plastic swords. Handball. Campfires and charred marshmallows on willow branches. Going to extremes. Lemon yogurt. You.

I could have included about a hundred movie titles, and the one I did is not necessarily my favorite. It just makes me happy, because, you know, Jack Lemmon and Peter Falk, and the pie fight. So I guess I should have put Paint Your Wagon in too, because when the bull is chasing Lee Marvin, I laugh so hard I choke.

And also, because I need the adrenaline
and I get a pleasant chemical kick out of disliking them so much, a list of things I really don't like:

Monkeys (chimpanzees, gorillas, gibbons, orangutans, all monkeys but especially baboons). Cigarette smoke. Apostrophe misuse. Postage rate increases. Hybrid vehicles. Rap. Heartburn. Teenagers. Reality TV. People who bring babies to the theater. The sound of breaking glass. Blowing sand. Fingernails on a chalkboard. Pompous public officials. Commercialized holidays. News anchorwomen.

Thinking of things for list #2 turned out to be boring, so I'm going to make chocolate pudding and some phone calls, and then I'll see where I'm at. It can't be any less fun that here.


Blogger a572mike said...

Great lists A... I especially like the mention of the Philadelphia Rolls, as well as some other things... :)

January 18, 2006 at 12:56 PM  
Blogger A said...

You sushi fiend, you.

January 18, 2006 at 6:45 PM  
Blogger A said...

This slot's word verification word: nweggsht. I'm traumatized.

January 18, 2006 at 6:46 PM  
Blogger marymuses said...

In my experience, chocolate pudding has always made things better. Did it work for you?

January 20, 2006 at 3:31 PM  
Blogger A said...

Oh, yeah.

January 20, 2006 at 3:47 PM  

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